Collection of honesty

I used to be an avid writer, Or even a poet as I'd like to claim. It's been quite a while since my last post about insecurities and shame. Those feelings that came but never went. It seems that I stopped being good, At anything at all, All I knew was how to stare, And how to fall. Since, I've done a lot of growing, A whole lot of learning, But I still keep hanging, Onto the faith that others have for me, Even though I have no belief, Nor any certainty I could ever succeed.

Perhaps in great darkness, There truly is a light...  For it's been almost a year or two  Since i've felt the need to write.  Though my writing feels quite rusty,  And awkward to continue, I want to capture what I'm going through.  This is stress that's quite brand new.  I asked for a new challenge,  And challenge I was granted. Now that I've got what I wished,  I wonder if that's what I wanted.  Do you know that feeling, Where you're constantly subpar-  Even if you've tried everything You seem to still fall far. It's not like I'm not trying, It's not like anyone's to blame, But I'm always in a rush,  For people to know my name.  I wish I was way smarter,  I wish I was way quicker,  I wish I was way louder,  I wish I was less bitter.  They say you are enough, But it doesn't seem the case, Even when people assure me, I can't help thinking it's fake...